Releasing Resentment Without Rushing Forgiveness
📸✨: Marcel Ardivan (@worldsofmaru)
Resentment has a way of sticking around.
Not always loudly.
Sometimes it’s quiet. Subtle. Sitting in the background and showing up as irritation, distance, or that tight feeling in your chest when a certain person or situation crosses your mind.
You might not even call it resentment at first. It can feel more like being tired of something. Or disappointed. Or just… done.
And honestly? That makes sense.
Resentment usually doesn’t come out of nowhere. It builds when something mattered and didn’t end right. When effort wasn’t met with effort. When a boundary got crossed. When feelings went unnoticed or unacknowledged.
This isn’t about judging resentment or rushing to “work through it.” It’s about understanding what it’s doing, why it’s there, and how to gently loosen its grip — in a way that actually feels kind to your heart.
1. Start by Understanding What Resentment Is Doing
Resentment usually isn’t the first feeling that shows up.
Most of the time, it comes after something else:
hurt that didn’t get addressed
needs that weren’t met
boundaries that were ignored (or never really stated)
moments where you stayed quiet even though part of you wanted to speak up
In that way, resentment can actually be protective. It’s often a sign that something inside you noticed, “Hey… that wasn’t OK,” even if you didn’t feel able to say it at the time.
Looking at resentment this way doesn’t mean you’re excusing anything. It just means you’re not fighting yourself for having it.
Try This:
The next time resentment pops up, gently ask yourself:
“What did I need here that I didn’t get?”
No fixing. No solving. Just noticing.
2. Notice Where You’re Still Holding It
Resentment doesn’t just live in your thoughts — it has a habit of settling into the body.
You might notice it as:
tightness in your chest or throat
a clenched jaw
tension in your shoulders
a heaviness that shows up when you think about a certain situation
Your body usually knows before your mind catches up.
Paying attention to this isn’t about reliving anything. It’s about noticing where you’re still holding on — often without realizing it.
Try This:
When resentment comes up, pause and notice where you feel it in your body.
Place a hand there and take a slow breath.
You’re not trying to make it disappear. You’re just making contact.
3. Separate Letting Go from Letting Someone Off the Hook
This is a big one.
A lot of people hold onto resentment because they’re afraid that letting go means:
saying what happened was OK
minimizing their experience
giving someone a free pass
losing important boundaries
But letting go doesn’t mean any of that.
You can acknowledge that something hurt and decide you don’t want to keep carrying it.
Letting go is about your peace — not someone else’s comfort or redemption.
Try This:
Quietly remind yourself:
“I can release this without rewriting what happened.”
That one distinction alone can soften a lot.
Looking for a gentle way to let go and move forward?
Download my free Letting Go Ritual Workbook to help you release what no longer serves you and make space for what feels better.
4. Let Yourself Feel What’s Underneath (Without Rushing It)
Resentment often acts like a cover.
Underneath it, there might be sadness.
Or grief.
Or disappointment.
Or anger that didn’t have anywhere to go at the time.
You don’t need to uncover all of that at once. And you definitely don’t need to force it.
Sometimes just being willing to notice what else might be there is enough to start easing the grip resentment has on your heart.
Try This:
When resentment surfaces, gently ask:
“What else might be here with this?”
If nothing comes up, that’s fine. You’re still listening.
5. Decide What You Want to Carry Forward (and What You Don’t)
Releasing resentment doesn’t mean forgetting what you learned.
Often, there’s real clarity underneath it — about boundaries, communication, or what you’re no longer willing to tolerate.
You can keep the lesson without keeping the weight.
This part isn’t about closure. It’s about choice.
Try This:
Ask yourself:
“What do I want to take with me from this — and what am I ready to stop carrying?”
You don’t need a perfect answer. Even a partial one helps.
Journaling Prompts
Where do I notice resentment showing up most often?
What boundary or need might be underneath it?
What am I afraid would happen if I let this go?
What feels heavy that I’m ready to loosen my grip on?
What would protecting my heart look like going forward?
What do I no longer want to carry?
Affirmations
I’m allowed to protect my heart and still let go.
Releasing resentment doesn’t erase my experience.
I can honor what happened without holding onto the weight.
My peace matters.
I get to choose what I carry forward.
Letting go can be gentle.
Frequently Asked Questions for When Resentment Lingers
Q: Is resentment always a bad thing?
A: No. Resentment often starts as a signal that something wasn’t right or fair. It’s not a flaw — it’s information.
Q: Do I need to forgive in order to release resentment?
A: Not necessarily. Forgiveness is personal and not always immediate — or required. Releasing resentment is about your well-being, not meeting an expectation.
Q: What if I feel justified in my resentment?
A: You can be justified and still decide you don’t want to carry the weight anymore. Those two things can exist at the same time.
Q: How do I know when I’m ready to let something go?
A: Often, readiness shows up as tiredness — being tired of replaying it, holding it, or feeling the same tightness over and over again.
Q: Can resentment come back after I’ve worked through it?
A: Yes — especially when boundaries are still forming. That doesn’t mean you failed. It usually just means you’re learning.
Final Thoughts
Resentment doesn’t mean you’re bitter or stuck.
Most of the time, it means something mattered.
Releasing resentment isn’t about forcing forgiveness or pretending you weren’t hurt. It’s about caring for your heart in a way that lets it soften again — at your own pace, in your own way.
Take what helps. Leave what doesn’t.
And trust that even gentle attention can create real change.
Still Have Questions?
If you have more questions that I didn’t address here, based on your specific situation or anything else, please don’t hesitate to ask me. I’d love to see how I could be of service!
